Grey - Amy Ewbank / by Richard Bentley

Amy Ewbank is Artistic Director of Doll's Eye Theatre. Established in 2015, the company create plays to challenge audience perception of Gender. Might Never Happen is their forthcoming show to be performed at The King's Head Theatre in May 2016. For more info and to book tickets see or see Doll's Eye Theatre

I love grey. Murky, dark, swirling and messy. I love it’s shadows and it’s blurred edges. I love it’s puddled tones and bland beauty. Not black, not white but grey: The complex place where all of our minds reside from time to time. 

Grey is often an uncomfortable place to hang out.  It can be lonely and isolating to position yourself in the mist and mud of our messy lives. From a young age, I have always been drawn to this frightening, wonderful and challenging place.  

As human beings we crave simplicity, we compare ourselves to others, imagining their lives to be more straight-forward, their minds to be less conflicted. We make extreme judgments about ourselves because we think we should be doing/thinking/feeling something other than that which we are experiencing on a day to day basis.  This is something I have always struggled with – finding a way to quietly sit with those nagging voices in my head which tell me I am messing things up or that berate me for a silly comment or for making a fool of myself in various forms.  It is a struggle to allow those voices room and space to breath without fighting them, but rather holding their hands as they rant and wriggle by my side in their pool of delightful grey.

I work in theatre. After years of working as an actor, I moved to directing two years ago and last year founded “Doll’s Eye Theatre”.  The company was set up with a mission to sit firmly in all things grey, to explore the topics which leave audiences with more questions when they exit the theatre than when they arrived. Last year, our premier production looked at four perpetrators of violence who happened to be female - a concept often at odds with our notions of what it is to “be a woman”. In our current production Might Never Happen to be performed at The King’s Head Theatre in May, we are devising a piece which explores the messy and complicated subject of public space interruptions, also known as Street Harassment.

Creativity affords me the opportunity to explore grey in all its wonder. To talk about those messy, untamable parts of our world, which are sometimes hardest to look at, often leaving us with more questions than answers. A piece of music, a doodle on a notepad, a poem, a dance or a story can articulate how we are feeling in a fleeting moment, cracking open and reflecting back to us our own wonderful messy minds, in all of their intangible glory.

Embrace your grey. It won’t always be easy but it will shine a light past the edges of yourself, into the wonderful thing that is you.

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